How to Get Your Sexy Back (even if you're not feeling it)!


How to Get Your Sexy Back 

It happened last Saturday morning, a phone call, about 90 minutes after my husband headed to the Sacramento Airport to catch a flight for an overnighter in Los Angeles. I had been feeling uneasy about his trip, so I asked him to leave extra early. As I answered he said, "I'm at the gate, but I've got some bad news. The Infiniti spun out, I hit a fence, and I may have totaled it".

Forget the SUV!!! I was just so relieved to hear he was fine, not a scratch. No internal bleeding, whiplash...nothing. I'm still feeling grateful that he was spared and could enjoy his trip, despite a smashed up vehicle.

Cafe in Paris
Cafe in Paris

I couldn't help but think, what if things hadn't turned out so well on Saturday? I remembered the night before, I cooked him a nice dinner, but I didn't exactly bring it in the 'best me' department. I'd had a busy day, hair was back in a messy bun, sans any makeup, or even a change out of the yoga pants (a 'no no' in my mind for our Friday night date night, even at home). Time just got away from me, and I just wasn't making our relationship a priority.

What if that had been our last night together? What if I lived with regret for not being in the moment with my beloved???

What if.....I spent some time thinking about it that day, as my relief mingled with reflection.

I know I want to give Scott more of my best self, and not less.


With Valentine's Day around the corner, and my focus on self-care this month, I think that bringing our 'sexy' back, even when we are not feeling it, is of value. In our hectic lives it's not easy to keep it all in balance, but I feel it's an essential part of who we are. It's only one dimension of that beautifully wrapped package of being a woman.  And by the way, this idea of sexiness, sensuality, is true for both women in relationships and single women.

I'm talking about an attitude, a way of living, that can infuse all elements of life.

As women, we know that much of our feeling of sensuality, sexiness and romance starts in our own minds. In doing some research for this post, I realized how much I've written on this topic and I thought I'd share some previous thoughts on the subject:

How to bring our sexy back?

A frame of mind: I'm Still Hot...(it just comes in flashes now)!

A level of confidence: Hello are more beautiful than you know!

  Setting the stage: Hot Tips for a Little Romance

Getting that spark from his/her perspective: Tips for Lighting the Spark (from his/her perspective)

Turn taking and kindness:  Keeping the Spark Alive (Tips for Real Romance)

Haven't we all seen too many relationships, and marriages, fail because they didn't make romance, including sexiness, a priority anymore?

Why is it that aftera breakup, or divorce, women and men suddenly start bringing their sexy back? They lose weight, wear more stylish clothes (and lingerie), buy a new fragrance, luxe sheets, candles and even the shave their legs!

We've seen it, we may have experienced it ourselves.


Trust me, the little things don't go unnoticed, even in our long-term relationships. While my husband might not immediately notice that I took a steamy bubble bath with sexy music in the background, or have freshly polished toenails before a date night, I notice. Something simple like that can set the tone for a more sensual lifestyle. It's a way of living with intentionality and creating the life we want to live.

Back to my previous post, my number one way to light that spark is with kindness. Grab that second cup of coffee for him, make his favorite dish, do that errand to save him time, and he WILL notice...and likely return the favor.

It's all about the little sparks that fan the flame.

I want to continue to make this a priority, as  I seek to balance my life, love and relationships.

Are you feeling it too?

Valentine's Day falls on a Saturday this year, and it's a long weekend for many of us.

What a perfect time to create some sparks and bring our sexy back!

How do you keep your 'sexy' going strong?


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