Tips for Lighting the Spark-His/Her Perspective

Venice 2003

There we were, practically newlyweds, visiting Italy and France, for the first time together. Our happy smiles don't reveal that we had recently suffered a devastating miscarriage, and were clumsily attempting to co-parent 3 teenage girls (Scott's daughters) back at home in California. Photos and trips can look so glamorous on the outside, but we all have our struggles. 

It's easy to have the mindset that only the grand gestures light the spark. I will agree that places like Venice and Paris can make your heart beat a bit faster, and yet, I think it's often the little touches in day-to-day life that matter just as much.

A text or note, during the workday, a special coffee mug or personal surprise, to let your loved one know you are thinking of him, can set the tone for an evening with a little spark. Affection goes a long way in my book. Have you ever tried the 30 second hug? That's another post in the making but if you haven't tried it, it's a brain changer.


On nights when we have planned a date night, at home, I still dress for it (definitely out of the yoga pants). I'll choose something comfy, but a little sexier, maybe a drape top with a silky maxi skirt, a touch of color to the cheeks, some lip gloss,  jewelry and a favorite fragrance.  A little candle light, some cool tunes, a little connection earlier in the day, with a splash of bubbly, all help set the mood in our house. The view doesn't hurt but if you don't have a view, create one.

As for romance......whether you have a valentine or not......

I've shared some of my own tips before on Stylemindchic:

Keeping the spark alive...{hot tips for real romance}

Hot tips for a little romance 

Valentine Noir

Valentine's Day is for Amateurs

Valentine's Day is for Amateurs revisited

I thought it would be fun to ask my 'significant other' Scott what lights his fire

(and maybe I'll learn something)

From Scott~a man's perspective:
First, help him to not fail!  If you're not sure he remembers Valentine's Day is coming, give him a reminder TODAY!  You of the female gender tend to be wired more effectively for remembering such things as special dates.  Please forgive us for that...

If you want to go out, let us know that, as well.  "I'd like to go out for dinner.  Do you want to make a reservation, or would you like me to take care of that?  Or would you rather have a romantic dinner in?"  But don't ask unless you're okay with any answer.  

Most of what follows I learned by noticing what Heather does for me that feels right. I'm super busy during the week, but brief blowing on the embers throughout the week is nice. Let him know what you appreciate about him--the things he intentionally does for you, the family, the world (even if there are some things on the list you wish he would do). Think about and remind him of specific times he has made you laugh (we like to think we're funny). Notice him as your handsome, manly man.  Give quick eye contact and a few words about these things each day this week.  Touch him as he passes, or as you walk past him.
Think about times he noticed you as sexy, and try to bring those things.  Give a hint (text? email?) about your intent in the days approaching the big V-Day. Finally, take the time to give him the kind of note in the card that you would like to receive.  (See "Give Good Card".) If all else fails, take him to Cabo!!!
Heather:  Not a bad idea....;) and thank you, now I'm blushing. You see what happens when you get two School Psychologists writing on the same blog post?

I love hearing my guy's perspective (most of the time), and I learn something new each time he joins me on Stylemindchic Lifestyle.

Do you have any favorite tips for lighting the spark?


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