Breathless...Miscarriage and a Loss Remembered
Breathless....a loss remembered
It was just a flash, out of the corner of my eye,
as they walked passed the end of the aisle of the Target store yesterday.
A mother and daughter, arms casually entwined, sharing a laugh.
A beat and then a flood of recognition.....
I knew that mother ten years ago.
A group of girlfriends, a shopping trip out of town,
and we were both 10 weeks pregnant.
We spent an hour trying on clothing for our expanding waistlines that day at the galleria.
It was my first pregnancy and her second.
Her marriage was shaky and she had mixed emotions.
I was 41, my husband's vasectomy reversal was successful,
and I was finally pregnant for the first time.
I was beyond thrilled!
For me,
deliriously happy.....
sparkling days.......
Breathless......
We agreed to meet up for lunch at Nordstrom on that shopping day.
Paper shopping bags were unwrapped on command and new fashions--for the new chapter of life--
were shared with happy and congratulatory girlfriends.
A quick trip to the restroom before the drive home.
Spotting.........
"It's normal right? "
"Don't worry....it happened to a friend and her baby was fine."
Worry......
Hope and pray......
a tiny tear shed in the dark,
on the drive back home.
"Drink all the water you are able."
A shadowy examination room and the
kind technician smooths cool gel on my belly.
Watching her smile,
for any flickering sign of concern.....
I was 10 1/2 weeks pregnant.
"No heartbeat........I'm so sorry."
I can't get my breath......
Breathless
Ten years later, seeing the lovely mother and her daughter, laughing together,
I'm sure she is certain this was her path.
I believe I heard that her marriage survived the rocky times.
I am reminded of the hopefulness, and joy, of that chapter of life.
I remember the life that was lost, the dreams that died,
and the different path my life has taken by not becoming the mother I always dreamed of being.
New dreams have been created out of necessity.
New paths have been carved to enrich life in different ways.
It's the only way....but there are moments when we remember.
In bed last night, he pulls me close.
I don't want him to feel my falling tears.....
but he does.
Somehow he just knows...... like he always does.
Breathless...
